Why is math like this?

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>Bill has an apple tree but the apples are too high
>Bill has a ladder x meters long and puts it at theta degrees against the tree
>Find all the roots of this sixth degree polynomial to help bill get the apple

Why do they use such bizarre looking equations as an example of how to do things? It's very distracting for me. I don't know how those equations are derived or what any of it means.

>a car is moving y = x^4(x^2 + 2x + 3)
>Describe wtf this car is doing

It feels like I have missed a trick. Once I learned how to use Excel everything they tried to teach me in Calc 1 became irrelevant.