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it ends up err,,, well,,, being a strange turn of events. Realizing the mortality of your life. So much so is wasted on such little agonies, petty comparisons, insecurities, regrets, jealousy, guilt and frustration. For me, it was a mixture of many things and life events that had lead me to realize how meaningless all the struggle was.
one unsettling thing though is trying to "force" yourself to be motivated and repeat mantras and "force" yourself to practice. after some of these life events, I looked up brightly and thought "there are lots of things I want to draw! a lot of things I want to learn! I cant wait to wake up tomorrow so I can draw all over again."
