>>94549253So David ends up marrying Bathsheba (polygamy is not the law, but David's the king so no one fucks with him). He has a total of three kids:
>by Michal - first son Absalom, daughter Tamar>by Bathsheba - second son AmnonSo Amnon falls for Tamar, because this really is like one of my Chinese cartoons. But he's rightfully ashamed of himself, and begins to avoid her. He hates himself so much he pretends to be sick so he doesn't have to be around her. His servant is like "dude just invite her to your room for some netflix and chill, it'll be cool"
So he calls Tamar to his room, he comes on to her, and she's like "that's disgusting and wrong, fuck off". But he's stronger than her, so he rapes her, then kicks her out.
CUT TO firstborn Absalom, who's so vain he never cut his hair until it became a nuisance for his neck to hold up, walking through the palace grounds. He sees Tamar bawling her eyes out
>hey sis what's wrong>I was raped>what>by Amnon>WHATSo Absalom goes to their father ("my brother raped my sister" "WHAT") and waits for David to do something.
And he doesn't, for like 2 years.
So Absalom decides to take matters into his own hands, gets Amnon drunk at a party and murders him while he's too sauced to fight back. David then sends Absalom away.
Absalom eventually returns, but he's still technically exiled, so David won't speak to him. But he loves his dad, he just wants to talk to him. But no response, for 3 years.
Absalom gets fed up with how David is completely abusing and misapplying his power, and decides to stage a coup.
It doesn't work, and Absalom's army gets routed. Absalom flees on horseback, a small squad of loyalists in hot pursuit. Now remember that bit about the hair? Well it gets stuck on a low-hanging tree branch, pulling him off his horse, and the loyalists run him through with their weapons.
CUT TO David back on his throne after the battle. A messenger arrives saying the traitor has been found, and they bring in Absalom's corpse.
