Sounds cute. Maybe you should try rewriting it.
I do agree it sometimes stretches on for far too long, but it also feels robotic to me. Like it's as special as masterbation. No love talk, kissing, other things, just... fucking. That gets boring.
I adore the buildup though. The talking, taking off clothes, the excitement, even just regular chats between the couple and the events of their day to day life. I don't think a lot of people do stuff like that anymore in writing and regular porn, and if they do, have it drone on for far too long with barely any substance to them making it a very dull story with people wondering "when are they finally gonna fuck so I can get on with it?", like you said.