>>80299306>>80298568from a basic standpoint, police are not alerted to cases via their cellphone, they have radios that are tuned to their emergency dispatch, much like firefighters. So something like an "all officers" call it would come in on that. They would get personal calls to come in as well, and they very well may have some kind of notification application for their phones, but the emergency stuff would be over the radio. But it's your vision of Zootopia, so maybe they do things different there.
"Night stalks" implies that the night is spreading through the area, but it's already well past midnight. It's always a fun phrase to want to put into your writing, but it's something that happens just after dusk.
Certain things go with verbs, but stagnant darkness doesn't stalk, not without a light source. It grips at the corners of rooms, it cloaks areas, it retreats from lamps. If you want something to stalk, you need some kind of movement from your anthropomorphized concept. Fog would work, for example. I do like the "wrestles" line, but be careful, you want the descriptions in your narration to have the same tone when talking about the same area. Wrestling with darkness doesn't mesh well with stars being made of tin foil. I would say something like, "Stars twinkled, little lights shining through holes in a black blanket sky."
Try to tie your descriptions of the area to your character's entrances. The truck is a good way to do this. Have it interact with Nick and Judy in some way, even if it is just passing them by. It is a good segue from description to character action, just like moving from an establishing shot in a movie to your characters.
Your dialog is also getting a little formal, if you're still going for "realistic". Drop things like "Tell me" when characters are in situations with those they know. Be careful with name usage in dialog, especially when characters are alone together.
