"I'm a shepherd without a flock. What have I done to lose them?"

"The real question is what have you done to keep them?"

"St. Eleutherius of Nicomedia?"

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

"To inspire men you must be brave. I introduced Christianity to Mongolia. It didn't take, but it was worth a shot."

"Tell us, good Reverend. What deeds have you done to inspire the hearts of men?"

"Uh...I had the vestibule recarpeted."

"I've appeared in over eight thousand visions and that's the lamest reply I've ever heard."