>I need your help because they have our kid
>Except not really, I was just fucking with you so I could pull off this heist
>unless...

PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who would enjoy some iteration of events where Peter actually had a little white-haired bastard child with Felicia he never knew about?

Like... one day he wakes up and suddenly a prepubescent kid who's basically the spitting image of Peter as a kid except with Felicia's trademark platinum locks gets dumped on his doorstep with zero explanation. So then Peter Parker has to not only balance being Spider-Man and Peter Parker, he has to be a responsible single dad on top of it as well, which naturally puts a major strain on his social life, his love life with MJ, and his work life, since he has even more responsibilities heaped onto him, so he either needs to work for a promotion, or find a new job with better pay, because Parker Luck always finds a way.

Meanwhile the kid's more or less a significantly more benign Damian Wayne, who's been fed this idealized version of his mom and dad's dubiously legal exploits, zero experience with typical social norms because his mom's an adrenaline junkie superthief who refuses to adjust to the slow life, and his dad's Spider-Man, so he can't really help in that regard either. So Peter has to raise his kid, and undo whatever bullshit Felicia's fed him without completely shattering his kid's faith in his own mother... which fails miserably, partly due to his own Parker Luck, and also because no matter the universe, any spawn of Felicia's ends up having a rocky relationship with her.