>>64315Cut to a full decade later. My 95% ownership in Kool-Aid stock had made me into a billionaire overnight, and I spent my playboy days learning the finer intricacies of Othello and introducing
a series of complex and harmful viruses into the western world, to which only I held the cure in an average-sized pouch of instant mashed potato. It was during one of my elegant "Whites only, and no, Gays aren't white" balls that I met the love of my life. She had a head like the entire cast of Happy Days and a body like someone had sexually assaulted a shrew. We were perfect for each other.
The sex was incredible. I lost my virginity to her oversized cheese-grater, and I took hers with an entire gallon of citric acid. But after months and months of making love in preschool cubby-holes, she began to ask more and more of me. "Honey,", she would say, that familiar glint in her eye like the burning of an entire library of Jewish literature - "Do you really think that Virtual Reality will flop?" I nodded. "I've sunk so much money into this headset. I bought a dev kit, a dev kit 2.0, and a release candidate to play the latest edition of 'Rapelay'. Can you still believe that this world-conquering innovation is nothing more than putting a phone in a hat?".
Once again, I agreed. I could feel my heart breaking as she plunged the knife she had hidden in her sleeve deep into my pancreas - she hadn't been wearing a shirt with sleeves at the time, but she brought one along just in case - and, as I lost consciousness, I realized the inevitable truth. My bride-to-be had been but one member of my tribe of camels from so long ago. I apologized profusely, but she only spat putrid, thick, semen-like saliva into my face and swatted away flies with her tail. The last thing I could remember was reciting the entire script of "Porky's" to the tune of Aram Khachaturian's "Saber Dance", and then, eternal rest. I was home.
And that's how I discovered /vip/.
