>>5959119The art is bad and completely unappealing but not bad enough to not convey what is happening. I'm sure you could arrange the bottom panels to work better, at the very least the fourth one looks like it's too tall and narrow and unneeded in general unless you specifically wanted to have a one panel of silence.
Also what
>>5959133 wrote is true, speed is an absolute must, especially when you are, like many of us, utterly poisoned by manga pacing which takes tens of pages to move a story forward. Tens of pages may mean tens of weeks if you're very slow and/or do this shit after school/work/banging your gf, which usually ends up in realization that after 2 years you have only a few chapters, your story barely moved forward and you need 20 or 50 years more to complete your comic. Too long. You either need the concise western approach or really, really pick up the pace. Aiming for <2 hours is good, but it requires practice, potentially a lot of it. And to practice I'd suggest short stories. SHORT. A few pages tops. It's also a practice for coming up with ideas that aren't relentlessly long (getting rid of manga poisoning).
Also I don't know why you're using screentones, do you plan to publish this on paper in Japan or something? Just use grays, spare yourself and your potential readers those artifacts.
