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I probably didn't made it yet because my perfectionism and "artistic integrity". I only draw western lolis on social media, not because is the only thing I can draw, but because is what I want to draw and it is extremely unpopular and a persecuted form of art, what makes me want to draw even more because I'm autistic.
It's all intensified by the fact I refuse to use most popular social media(twitter) because they persercue my fellow artists and I wound't feel that good using the place knowing people I respect and care about are not welcome there. And I just can't take commissions, I literally can't sleep thinking how I can deliver the best work possible, overwork myself to death, stress enough I lose hair, I just can't.
I'm fucked, I love drawing and I want to work with it, but I'm too autistic, the entire thing gets me burnout and I can't go posting on socialmedia for more then a month before stopping because I look at my work and I think is not good enough, it think it can be better, I know it can, so I push myself hardeer, to be better, to be faster, to be more then what i'm, and is not enough, is never enough, I'm just fucked, I'm too autistic for this shit but is the only thing I know what to do. My plan for now is to rise the higher I can, so when I finally crash and burn, with some luck my wreckage will fall down the sky and will be like shooting stars, so i can go in to blaze and glory. Is the only thing that keeps me going. Rise, crash, burn, repeat. Higher, Stronger, Brighter, until there is nothing left and even the stars and their light fade it away, and even the memories of the night sky are forgotten memories.
