All the above, addendum that F is for my esoteric studies.
G is because I'm driven to it, like is destiny, instinct, something I was build to do so i do it. Nobody teach a cat how to jump or a dog to great his master when he arrive home, for me is the same. I always hated that in myself, my constant thug of war with destiny, trying my hardest just to stay a float and not be carried away with life itself, with my own dark toughs, my fears, but mostly destiny. I know what the world want from me, I know that well, but I also know what I want to myself, despite every ounce of data and knowledge i posses scream at my face is impossible, I do it anyway.
With drawing is just different, I don't believe is something I was meant to do or to be great at, yet, I feel at easy doing, nothing matters, no destiny no what I'm suppose to be doing or do, is just me and the canvas, nothing else. I feel more at piece while drawing then sleeping, no nightmares or weird dreams, no sense of what is real and what I'm just making up, no gods, no demons, no nothing. I know deep down, deep deep down that no matter how skilled I become, no matter how much I try and sacrifice, my stupid dream of just escaping being a wageslave or even rich and famous will never happen, is beyond this realm of possibility, maybe even any realm, but it just doesn't matter, nothing does and the piece that it brings is unavailable to me.
