>>5931865spent many years being mad about it to the point of physically punching my thighs and breaking pencils and pens or keyboard by smashing my hand down against it
You just gotta use the fact that you suck to your advantage. It's literally a get out of jail free card. You can draw anything and if it sucks you just say you're new. People always want to help people who suck so you can basically flatter any artist by just asking for critique or redlines.
Also people LOVE to root for the underdog. By posting your work now you ensure that when/if you do "make it" that people can go back and see how much you've improved. It makes them as non-artists feel better, that they can "make it", too.
You have the freedom to do what you want and draw what you want without fans harassing you over not drawing something else or accusing you of something just for the sake of clout chasing.
Enjoy it while you can.
