Whenever I see any kind of artwork good or bad, I want to draw, I want to invest time and improve - but the second I hold a pen or stylus in my hand I start seething. I fucking hate it. I hate drawing but I love studying drawing books, videos, lectures, all the fundies, but actual drawing makes me autistically seethe to a degree I have to get up and take a walk. I'm not mad that my drawings are not on par of what I'd like - they will never be as good as I want them of course, it's more about the motions, about the feeling and sound the drawing utensils make on the surface, the motions, everything, it makes me seethe on a chris.chan level autism spectrum and I don't know why. I just want to fucking learn how to draw but for some reason I can't. Help.