does anyone else have this

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I've been thinking about this a lot for a few years and if someone else had a similar experience and some personal insights of their own I figure I can only be helped. I really like the thumbnail for the /beg/ thread btw
This is really long. I started visiting this board when I was 14. I think I just had some weird takeaway from talking to adults in online games and on forums like this that have lead me here but I'm really not sure what any of this is. It's sort of my experience while trying to learn but it's also like, this compulsion I have to "make sure" that I'm trying. I don't know if that makes any sense but I hope it does.
Thank you very much if you read this and for any feedback

I've been "studying" for about 8 years. I haven't produced any work I think is particularly remarkable but I've learned a lot. I'm actually having a problem lately where after I complete a picture and there's something I think I could do better but rather than just do what I think that thing is I go back and re-read books by artists that are saying stuff that makes sense to me and I don't find it novel or helpful. I started off(8 years ago) with some videos from Sycra, Scottie Robbie's How to Draw, Perspective Made Easy by Ernest Norling. I learned a lot of random stuff that made my pictures look different and I was happy. I also didn't know at the time that my high school art classes were making us do exercises out of the Nicolaides Natural Way to Draw and Betty Edwards's right-sided business. I read Edwards twice and Nicolaides for the first time this year. Anyway I bigly wanted to learn more so after awhile of drawing my own stuff or reproducing from observation I started reading https://www.handprint.com/HP/WCL/tech10.html