Anyone else suicidal over art?

I dropped out of high school in senior year to devote myself full time to teaching myself to draw. Instead I just became a degenerate alcoholic working cheap jobs and making zero progress with art. I have like 20 art books covering every fundie and I have read only two. After 7 years I don't have a single image to share with the internet. My family disowned me and am on the verge of being homeless. I'm 24 with nothing to show for it, no degree, no savings, all because I liked anime as a teenager. All of this would be worth it if I could actually draw, but I can't. I can't even sit down to draw for a little bit without having a full-on mental breakdown. What the fuck should I do?