I just dont get it anymore. At first I drew to kill time. Then I drew for fun. Then I learned about fundies and started grinding. Now I'm good, I'm not stellar or anything but I'm good enough that I thought, "you know what? Maybe it's time i finally find a way to go about marketing myself". But I never got around to that. Then I got tired, god knows why and from what, I really don't work that hard (or at all). And I got very jaded, too. Asking myself, "Why do I even draw anymore?" To me it all just seems like pointless stupid lines on some fucking paper or digital canvas. It's imaginary. It's not real. It's useless to anyone and everyone. I don't get why anyone would ever buy art, let alone my art. I know I'd never buy anyone's art. I don't get the point anymore. People always talk about passions, and especially with drawing, you need to "draw what makes you happy". Nothing makes me happy. Drawing infuriates me, it's not even difficult but it's useless and pointless and stupid. Nonetheless, I feel like there's nothing else I can do. All my life and it's the closest thing to a meaningful skill I've got.
This doesn't even scratch the surface of what's been on my mind lately. Mentally and emotionally I'm in turmoil, thanks to external circumstances (pathetic ones, perhaps, but I am a pathetic man). I don't know what to do, I feel like a caged animal. Maybe I ought to see a therapist. Feel like I'd be "giving in" if I did, though. Sorry for the blog. Enjoy the rest of your day/night, anons.