>people are letting Tony off the hook
It may all be fueled by autism, but it's inescapable that Tony's been a fucking terrible father. Especially after Surma died, it's inexcusable that he'd have no communication with Antimony at all until, essentially, he needed something from her, and then just dropping back into her life and ruining her world without even trying to soften it.
He may have good reasons for all he's done, but he's been dogshit about showing Annie any affection or tenderness, which is what she needs because he's her ONLY LIVING RELATIVE. Jesus Christ. Annie can be a bit shitty, but she's only a teenager, while Tony is a grown-ass man who should have taken more responsibility than he has.