This is a long rant. Some months ago i tried quitting art, its not the first time but I keep on coming back like an idiot. But that latest attempt i was really serious. At the time i was able to build up my confidence that i never had before, I keep getting compliments and one day one of my idols recognized me and told me i was doing well. I was ecstatic, i tried applying for a job related to game art and got rejected and it crushed me. This was all my fault, I don’t blame the people that rejected me, I had a very weak portfolio with only a few pieces in it so I understand why I wasnt accepted. And despite knowing that all the blame was on me, i couldnt help but feel crushed. I was willing to quit my current job for it, and when I realized how far I was willing to go I got really scared and stopped. I stopped drawing, talking to my art friends, posting, i just stopped. I hate my shitty job especially my boss that would constantly touch me inappropriately and then play it off as a joke. How pent up must you be to resort to someone as ugly as me you dumb fuck go rot in hell. Now even online I pretend to be a guy just so I'm under the radar. Everyday I cry because im a fucking pussy and a coward. But I needed the job so I cant quit. I dropped out of college after my dad got sick, I’m still in my early 20s so im having a hard time finding a good paying job. God Fucking Damnit. And now I’m stuck. But a month ago...I was in a really dark place, and no matter how much I try to be positive it didn't help. I was stressed and whenever Im stressed I do fanart of my favourite stuff to calm me down. I joined a community about my fav. show and started making more fanarts. I met friends that were so supportive to post my stuff in my social media which is something I have never done before despite liking them. And after doing fanart Im back to wanting to pursue art again. Son of a bitch.