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I get this feeling everyday, anxiety, weakness in my shoulders, like I'm not going to make it, feeling like no matter how good I get things just aren't going to work out, feeling in the back of my mind I'll never get a job I love, I'll never get a girl I love, never experience beautiful things in life like pic related. Something in me says it's not physically possible, there's something wrong with you, you're offbeat, you don't have the right recipe, your not a guy people want around, you're like a bizarro version of what you were suppose to be. I look like brad pitt if he was taken out of the womb 1 month early, an unfortunate man, a bizarro brad pitt. What else can I do, what other options do I have? all I can do is keep pushing forward even though it feels like I'm crawling around looking for some light in an eternity of darkness. I'm 25 now, fuck, I wanted to be living life by the time I was 25, kissing a girl on new years eve you've had a crush on for the last year. I'll probably get a job at 30, and it will probably be underwhelming, that's how most things in life have been in the last 10 years. I'm not giving up though, ever, rather fucking die than except it, rather have a fucking heart attack than to live my life stairing at this computer screen only wishing, going to a job I hate and not doing anything about it. I will try my hardest and fail, go out like a savage animal with rabies, put down to end their suffering, atleast I did my best.
