So here you go:
I don't know what you were going for with the mutant eyes. Just looked creepy in a bad way. I just referenced my own stupid face from the mirror. I think his eyes are still too far apart though.
I don't think it's a good idea to have both the upper and lower teeth showing if you're trying to paint an appealing character so I changed that. I did the rim light just to show you why it's a really bad idea to go into strong whites on your image before you're adding your finishing touches. They're not accurate but you get my point... Don't have time to focus on brush economy or anything.
Normally I'd do a sort of sculptural line sketch that shows me the planes of the face and then do a 1-2 value block in of the shadow shapes and then start thinking about edge control, values and slight hues. Only after this I'd start working in with saturated colors and shit but you don't have to work like that. Here I just pushed some paint untill I got something slightly more appealing (IMO).
Not sure what kind of feedback you're looking for but I hope this helps.