>>102964884"Well, kiddies, Jimmy certainly had gumption to take his daddy's glock for a spin, unfortunately, he did several things wrong."
"First and foremost, if you are going to be so droll as to just... shoot someone... then for pete's sake, PULL THE TRIGGER! Don't rattle off a laundry list of all the things they did to piss you off! Pump them full of lead! Mr. Rogers or Hitler can explain how they goofed when they go up... or down."
"Secondly, for the love of laughter and lacerations, this guy kept pushing your buttons and all you could think of doing was SHOOTING HIM? Jimmy, my boy, you're breaking an old clown's heart!"
"If someone really does get under your skin, remember there's a big difference between just taking a life and utterly ruining it. Does your bully have a family? Pets? Siblings? Vehicles? Are they on that new-fangled internetworky thing I keep hearing about? Well there's several venues right there! Poison their pets and families! Kidnap their siblings and return them- one piece at a time! Cut brake lines! If you're tech-savvy, plant some kiddie porn on them and call the cops! If you can avoid getting caught, at first they'll just be angry, but then you'll start to see the light dying in their eyes, a little less spring in their step, until one happy day you hear the news they decided to play russian roulette with a semi-auto!"
"Finally... now, I know this sounds hypocritical of me, but for those of you who aren't a psychotic clown, the first rule of committing crimes is DON'T. GET. CAUGHT. I mean, Jimmy, I know you were a few cards short of a deck at the time, but c'mon! At least wait until he's home alone to pop a cap in him!"
"Well, that's all for today, kiddies! May the miracle of murder make merriment for you all!"
