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I hear you dude. I never thought I was trans, I always knew I just liked to cross dress and plow dudes every now and then. But I have this distinct memory of being on mushrooms one night, getting on /gif/ and watching trans porn. Unlocked some serious fetish shit.
Ended up doing speed for a while, plowing dudes on the weekend, was fun for a bit.
But now that I've been sober from everything but the occasional joint for the past two years, I see it for what it was, in my life at least: narcissistic fetish shit.
Not trying to get political or anything, but my experience was absolutely that. Just a wave of wanting to feel desired while wearing women's clothing, and subsequent fulfilling of those desires.
The desire left me as quickly as it found me. Just poof, gone.
Still fuck dudes every once in a while, but it's mainly just hedonistic oral sessions a few times a year when I'm bored. Even those have dwindled down into almost non existence.
It couldn't feel farther from a "piece of my identity" at this point. Now I just study a lot, and go on the occasional date with women who I could see myself settling down with. But not many 26 year olds are sober, so I don't have as much social relevance anymore. But I also no longer give a shit?
