I'm fucking sick of pursuing this stupid engineering certificate. When I think about it, the only real reason I'm doing this is because I want to learn more and see and experiment with what happens when you do certain things and all that.
I had forgotten this purpose as I kept studying, but now its becoming more and more evident that this was a stupid and pointless career path. If I try to get into research, I have to sacrifice everything else from my life and keep going through this fucking system. Not only that, but by the end of it, I'm not going to get grants to do what I want. There won't be any playing around, there won't be any seeing what this thing does with this freely. Or if there is, I'll need a 4.0 GPA Harvard slip of paper or worse I feel, several performance tests just to get in.
What is the point? I don't want to work for a fucking corporation that thinks only about profit. I don't want to sit next to some CEO cunt and just do what he says only to find that this discussion has distracted me from critical error which I may or may not get all the blame for.
I don't want to waste years out of my life working 40 hours a week doing a project for someone else as a pawn in some administratively organized system, and STILL be unable to have a real social life or friends after all this wasted time.
Yet, I know also my only realistic alternatives (besides abandoning STEM and any of my other present dreams) would be living as an artist in poverty or waiting for a research grant to do something that will be mistaken by the press and used to make people fatter, more dependant on meds, more dependent on robots, more likely to buy a thing, more quickly replaced by robots and less likely to have money, health, or prosperity so long as that gets in someone else's way.
What am I even doing?
I had forgotten this purpose as I kept studying, but now its becoming more and more evident that this was a stupid and pointless career path. If I try to get into research, I have to sacrifice everything else from my life and keep going through this fucking system. Not only that, but by the end of it, I'm not going to get grants to do what I want. There won't be any playing around, there won't be any seeing what this thing does with this freely. Or if there is, I'll need a 4.0 GPA Harvard slip of paper or worse I feel, several performance tests just to get in.
What is the point? I don't want to work for a fucking corporation that thinks only about profit. I don't want to sit next to some CEO cunt and just do what he says only to find that this discussion has distracted me from critical error which I may or may not get all the blame for.
I don't want to waste years out of my life working 40 hours a week doing a project for someone else as a pawn in some administratively organized system, and STILL be unable to have a real social life or friends after all this wasted time.
Yet, I know also my only realistic alternatives (besides abandoning STEM and any of my other present dreams) would be living as an artist in poverty or waiting for a research grant to do something that will be mistaken by the press and used to make people fatter, more dependant on meds, more dependent on robots, more likely to buy a thing, more quickly replaced by robots and less likely to have money, health, or prosperity so long as that gets in someone else's way.
What am I even doing?
