>>13108665There’s a theory of friendship formation which stipulates that they are formed from ‘repeated spontaneous contact’. Something that is too structured, like work or school, might not work because everyone is too focused on their tasks. But friendships are formed in the times between classes or in after hours work socials when people are just in proximity to each other with nothing to do. In college, it tends to be the dorms.
If you haven’t been mingling during the unstructured times, didn’t live in the dorms, or skip work socials, it is hard to make friends. As you get older, it gets harder – if most of your coworkers are middle aged, they tend to spend their off time with their families. And of course the way we move between jobs from time to time means that we all know our relationships with each other are limited, so we might avoid attachment. These days, social distancing is an extra barrier.
I don’t know your situation and wouldn’t have an answer for you if I did, but I can say that I feel your pain. Modern environments, with the constant moving for work and school, are not well set up to maintain our friendships or help us make new ones. In the old days you just stayed in the same village forever and that would do it. We haven’t really figured out a reliable replacement, so many of us fall through the cracks.
If there's a way you can cause yourself to have repeated spontaneous contact with people, like a social club of some kind in your city, then perhaps that could work. Good luck anon.
