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When I started smoking weed it progressively made my thoughts more and more abstract.
At first it was just an annoyance, there were many things I was feeling and thinking that I had no idea how to explain. It was incredibly frustrating. Still, it was cool to think and feel these new things.
Around the time I started to notice, I also gained an interest in schizophrenia. I just thought it was kinda cool and that a lot of their thoughts seemed cool. I found it funny laughing at Tooker on here and Imbred on /mu/ and /x/. I started thinking about taking acid and tried to buy some once before getting scammed. I kinda wanted to be schizo.
Last June when a delusion I had about a coworker who was in love with me and our romcom-esque road to find each other fell apart I started to feel very strange. At first I was very depressed, but this passed. Then, for a few months I felt such a surge of confidence, of absolute arrogance, I thought I was brilliant and handsome and felt on top of the world. But this arrogance was met with resistance, particularly online. No one liked my music and no one seemed to get exactly what I was talking about and every post seemed to blur into the last. It was disheartening.
I went into a store and felt for the first time in months pure, terrible social anxiety. It terrified me. After that I started noticing patterns and strange coincidences in posts online. It's very easy cause every post on here is the exact same.
I felt very lonely, like I was the only real person and everything else was artificial, like I was being constantly fucked with.
Eventually I was able to turn my head away from those thoughts and it stopped completely. Still, since then I've felt my mind is somewhat malleable, I have seen my perspective shift drastically at different times, I've found it kinda hard to get a grip on what I believe.
I didn't really experience schizophrenia, but I know now that I do not ever wish to.
