looking for some help from motivated, directed people.
> me
> depressed as fuck etc in first few years of uni
> 2 yrs ago switch flips, get bored of constantly sabotaging myself
> help myself, start to *do* more
> get diagnosed with adhd, I know it's a meme and you probably won't take me seriously but it's real
> meds help me a lot too on my way up
> math is great, start to study math
> last year switch to math
> loving it, attend seminars, teach self higher level math, ace all courses, brain works every day
> do research project in summer, covid-19 taking the fun out of what I was most excited for all year
> depression creeping back
> start doing bs like games and internet all day, read less and less about math
> first time I am fully and wholeheartedly excited to go back to school and learn tainted by pandemic
> terrible first semester, could not make myself do well again, online school not helping
> barely salvaged grades
> be me now
> 5 courses, few at graduate level, also thesis
> holy shit please i dont want to fuck this up
what the fuck do I do to be a bright and smart person again? the only time I have ever been able to remotely handle life was that last good year, even then it was just barely. my morale is better than last semester but holy shit I am losing it, I cannot keep on top of the things I need to do for longer than a day for fuck's sake. my biggest problem seems to be distractions like the internet - I definitely get scared when the math gets hard and when there's a lot to do, even though I don't often admit this to myself. I believe if I felt as good and happy as a year ago half this shit wouldn't be as difficult as it is for me rn. it's like I lost half my brain.
> what do you guys do to stay on top of things and/or feel better?
>> inb4 op already knows the answer, just *do* more!
>>> unironically the truth but I still need your helps pls