It's over. There really is no point in learning math or programming if you didnt choose either degree or they're not in your curriculum. It's too much fucking effort for a skill that's not even marketable because someone else already specialized in it, and third world shitholes dont hire even them.

It's done. I'll live a life of mediocrity. Just like my parents i'll just work from 8-4 and come home, sleep and repeat for the next 40 years. I'll see my kids inspired to enjoy life and eager to help others, only to see them in the same situation I am in, unable to change a thing because we have no money to hire the people who work on shit, unable to change it ourselves because cross discipline teams, bureaucracy and what not.

It's impossible. I was born mediocre, I am destined to be mediocre. Others even dumber are destined to be politicians who jeopardize everything, but I am cursed by blood to be nothing.