>>12414254Couldn't fit it in the other post: nice image, anon.
Sorry for continuing to text-dump, but I've got time and I kinda care about this stuff due to experience.
Self esteem is a pretty complex thing, and everything in a personality is tied to its memories, the associations which cue judgement and grouping of thoughts. Too many people want to blame feeling shitty on chemical imbalances: the imbalance isn't typically isolated. It's the result of having shit to deal with.
It seems kinda dumb to just rattle off some lifetime of causes for my own anxiety, depression, and maladjustment, but I cope daily with self talk and focusing on what little I can do to improve things, because I must daily confront some aspect of my life that is fucked. It's not okay, and basically never will be, but I've every right to ignore all common sense in continuing to make a life for myself and the few people who care to know me, and so should anybody have that right.
>>12414353From your descriptions, if you qualify as borderline then so does like 75% of everybody. How old are you?
Trauma merits any solution to discomfort. I tend to tell people "it's like we're always fighting a final boss, and there's no point saving up potions or MP, just blow whatever you've got on getting past it".
Nobody can tell you that it's A-OK to use mind games on yourself but yourself. Personally, Mind Game was a pretty decent anime flick and is easy to pirate with zero repercussions for doing so.
Every day brings change. Don't let that be a weight against your motivation. You're allowed to pump yourself up for stupid fucking reasons. I like remembering stupid shit from manga that got me laughing out of amazement when I was younger. I've spent most of my life reading comics, so all my examples are obscure dumb amazing shit from old shonen manga.
You've got it in you. Summon it! Change!
If you're embarrassed, go to a private room and flail your dick around like a helicopter then try again.
