and philosophical blunder
Scientifically,
Everyone around me calls me smart and it pisses me off, because I'm the biggest retard on earth. I don't fucking know how I've even made ti this far.
I know a lot of you guys are actually smart and I need to know why It's like this.
Why am I called intelligent yet feel so small and retarded?
a guy like me can't be smart. My mother has a PhD and considered me much more intelligent than her.
All I know inside my head is that I know nothing true. I can easily understand and read things and interpret what people want me to say, it's easier that way. Controlling and regulating other people is trivial, but I truly know nothing.
every one walks around like they knew the fucking secret or some shit, and I'm always in an exhausting battle within my own mind about fucking nothing. Today I was thinking of the fucking number one and it spiraled me into a depression.
I also have great trouble assigning meaning to things. I hardly give a shit about my college courses because I just need to pass them for a job so I can make money so I can live a peaceful life, but that doesn't mean that has meaning to me, I simply see everything as a pointless distraction and I know wealth will reduce those distractions.
My brother loves video games and always tries to get me to play, I will play it for a but but it becomes trite and just as meaningless as anything else.
What mental illness is this?