>>12284481>Ah right, I feel like that was probably your mistake.somehow once i got out of the mindset like the good slave i am i felt obligated to do my work. i fucked up and somehow i either would focus on my waste of time job, or do neither.
i use my time poorly now because i literally just don't feel like doing my job.
losing my job ends my career and it's worth killing myself over because i'm a failure of a person and i just don't care about it anymore, but i proved to everyone that i'm literally even less worthwhile as a person and have zero self governance or ability to self actualize for anything more than a paycheck
excuses could be made, but i've developed an incredibly toxic relationship with my job. i'm deeply unsatisfied with myself and i will find zero fulfillment in my job. working my job is a mark of my own failure. it's decently paying so the failure is hidden from others, but i do not fucking care anymore. all anyone cares about in this world is money because nobody is worth anything more than money.
so i will milk my fucking company dry until they get the balls to fire me and ruin my career like they should
i've kind of snapped and reverted to staying up late, doing fuck all, shirking both work and personal. i haven't gotten any work done and my life stagnated, i don't want to do my job anymore and i literally haven't. i'm about to get fired from my first job from college because i'm literally 5 months behind deadline on a project estimated to take one month and i just don't fucking care anymore
