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I believe you can die from farting too much. I had a particularly bad run last week. I was too lazy to shop so I just scoffed these dates, the pantry was full of them ( dont ask ). Well Jesus fucking Christ I wish I hadn't. For the next three days I literally farted my arse off. Don't laugh, it was fucking terrible. I was blatting them out every few minutes, usually in clumps of three to four at a time. All sorts. Whumpers, squealers, wooters, toots, and phwoarers. There was no reprieve. I couldn't do anything without farting. Get up. Fart. Walk across room, fart several times. Do something. Fart. Walk back. Still farting. Now you would think this would end after a day, I thought so. But no, this kept on going. Taking a shit did nothing. Three shits later, am still farting like a faggot. You know, at first it was sort of funny. But let me tell you after an entire day of non stop farting I was getting fucking sick of it. Did I mention I was also shitting my arse constantly? What with the little bits of poo that kept getting expelled with my farts. Caked up my cheeks. Its true. I would have to keep taking showers to clean my arse and there was a flow of shitty water down my legs and shit stench. Nasty stuff. The next day I woke up, still farting continuously. I couldn't believe it. You know what its like to just keep pumping out fart after fucking fart first thing in the morning? Just terrible. Now it was no longer funny by any means. My arse was actually getting sore. But the worse part was just the FUCKING CONSTANT NON FUCKING STOP FARTING! CHRIST! Several times I cried aloud "JESUS PLEASE MAKE IT STOP" I figured I would have to see a doc, but by the end of the third day it had settled down. Thank God, by the fourth day I was back to normal, although my pucker remained a bit tender for a while longer. I am sure if this had gone on much longer I would have died. Cause of Death: Farting. Wouldn't that be dumb? Jesus. Anyway, I am a Christian now.
