We are controlled by emotions. Emotions are the closest we can get to god. If you're afraid of them you will always be controlled by them. If not, you will be confused by them. Organizing them and making sense of them is a God leap. It hurts being confused all the time. It hurts knowing that i know nothing. I've spent so much tiem depersonalized that i don't know where else to turn. The emptiness becomes turmoil. The turmoil leads to erratic behavior. And if you make it through all of that, what waits is emptiness and yearning for meaning. I'm resigned to what seems liek pedantic navel-gazing yet nothing else seems important but exactly that in the midst of this endless cycle of emptiness followed by turmoil followed by confusion. I need communication but i'm an isolated schizo struggling to communicate. I'm looking for words. Meaning. Please help.