Hello Anons, until recently I have considered myself a good person at heart but after committing a terrible atrocity I do not believe this anymore. I have messed up on things in the past and am starting to identify myself as the common denominator in these situations. As an alternative to killing myself I seek the ability to change who I am for the better. I am unhappy with the moral fibre I am comprised of, and instead of blaming my turbulent childhood I wish to improve. What do you recommend I read or do? I live near wilderness so I considered disappearing into it for a time, but I do not believe leaving myself with my thoughts will necessarily help in this; the idea of volunteer work or even a short stay at a monastery also crossed my mind. I know that change will be difficult, I know this because I have failed every attempt so far. Suggestions for reading material would also be greatly appreciated, thank you. Open discussion of spirituality and change would also be appreciated.