It's 2AM and I cannot sleep. I am going to graduate in a week with the maximum possible in computer science.
I always was that gifted kid in middle and high school, very proficient in math and science.
Even if I am very successful in my field I don't perceive this as positive. For example, all my friends that are going to graduate too are planning parties and other similar stuff.
For me instead even my mom saying that is proud of me makes me angry because I don't feel this is "right". I feel a sort of impostor, that I am not "that" good, even if all the people I know say that I am smart et cetera.
I don't think I am going to party with my friends because I feel that my accomplishments are not worth. I tend to devalue myself and I don't know how to feel good with myself for my works.
I cannot believe I am that good even if i have an average of 95+% on all the exams. It's just feel unreal and fake and it's destroying my psyche.
How can I accept myself and my accomplishments as they are without devalue my self worth ? I wish I could party with my friends and be happy but I can't because I feel this is not "right" or "enough".