Hey those of you into medicine. I am curious about something about schizophrenia

I just tried to do some work, yard work for my parents. I'm 30. Diagnosed schizo.

I suffered these problems. I use to be able to do more stuff kind of when younger but I've always been shitty at everything in life except taking tests at school. My long term memory is okay usually, the rest of my cognitive skills suck dick.

>spacing out randomly/bad focus
>staring at the ground doing nothing due having problems deciding what to do next
>poor motivation
>really slow at working/thinking
>slow witted to the point i cant usually even make a half assed come back when people give me a hard time
>feels like im possessed by a demon that makes me do stupid shit randomly or sit around doing nothing
>urge to stare at the wall and do nothing, very hard to resist
>dont usually speak unless spoken to, silent all the time almost

What is happening in my brain to cause this crap? If I tell my medical practitioner about problems, she just throws more anti psychotics at me then I get even fatter, more boring, limp dicked, and probably will die of diabetes/heart disease from the meds if i go on a higher dose.

I no doubt made myself worse by using meth for 5 years when younger (clean for 5 years now), but I hated myself and didn't care if i died early cause I hated being awkward and weird. I regret that now, but I was ill and miserable making bad choices.

Is there any emerging research showing that this stuff can be fixxed? Or am I literally fucked to probably struggle along in life then die and go to Hell possibly.