>>11836434I know that feel of not wanting to disappoint your parents. Been haunted by it for many years, still am a bit.
After a fight with my mom when I accused her that I'm living a life that she wanted, not I, I realized my problem. No matter what my parents or anyone said about what I should be or do, I am my own person first and I'm responsible for my actions. If I did what my parents want and became miserable and resentful because of it, that's on me and not them. Denying this means denying my agency as a human and accepting that I'm a robot, programmed by others, that cannot change anything in its existence.
And I decided that if pleasing my parents or whoever meant going against what I am, what I really want, what I believe in and what is in my power to do, I'd rather go against them than myself.
So, first of all, have you ever wondered what you really want out of your life, irrespectively of what others have to say about it? To put it another way, what kind of life would you regret the least?
Secondly, is this about your parents pushing their expectations on you or is it you worrying about their reaction when they learn the truth? Is it possible that they will understand and support you? Or is it obvious to you that they are pushing you to do what they want you to do by offering their support in exchange? Remember, if this is the case, they don't love and support you but rather their own wishes, dreams, ideas and expectations of their son and that is not you.
Finally, you should realize that your parents would rather be disappointed in you than see you dead.
Sit on these thoughts and decide for yourself if it is worth dying for that reason.
