Experimental physicist: there are more people visible on the right track so I let the trolley go to the left track.
Theoretical physicist: Let the trolley go to the right track, you wont kill anyone but create a dozenth of a human.
Engineer: wait till the front wheels settle on one track then quickly change the track to derail/stop the trolley.
Category theorist: Let the trolley go to the right track because theres more people and most of them are probably transphobes anyway.
Tooker: There is actually a third invisible track infinitely far away with no people on the track, so you should switch to the third track.
0.999.../=1 crowd: no matter which way it goes, it will always get closer to the first person but never reach it, so everyone's safe no matter what.
OP: still calculating which option will get him more cock.
Pajeets: no I am serious u a trolley.
Set theorist: there are models of this problem in which going to the right kills more people and models in which going to the left does. Thus the problem is undecidable in ZFC.
Topologist: the tracks are homeomorphic so it doesnt matter.
Algebraic geometer: let's first simplify this problem by making all the people in the picture wear funny hats.
Analyst: the people on the left side are bounded below by the people on the right side. It's a good inequality.