>>11667539I'm definitely not any kind of expert on this, but I have a friend who has complicated trans-y feelings. So, this is my outsider view. I guess it's more of life advice in general.
Any time you have bad feelings about a thing, there are a handful of things you can do about that. You can change the thing that's bothering you (transition), medicate the feeling away (drugs), or recontextualize so that the thing doesn't bother you any more (introspection and possibly therapy).
IMO, doing just one of those things is usually an uphill battle. Like, if you just change your circumstances, you haven't addressed *why* the thing was bothering you, so you might have those feelings crop up again about something else. If you just medicate, you essentially have the same problem. If you stop taking the medication, you're back to where you started. If you try to just recontextualize, you might find your problem is "real" and can't be recontextualized. Sometimes reality just sucks and needs to be changed. It can also be difficult to find the emotional energy to change your perspective when life is shitting on you.
My best advice would be to (1) start seeing a therapist if you aren't already. (2) Ask them about what medications might help you (or ask them to point you to someone qualified in that area). (3) Explore transitional compromises. What reversible things can you do to make yourself look the way you want? Do they make you fell better? This is basically what my friend has done, and they definitely seem to be more comfortable in their own skin as time goes on.
