>>116000061. You're not coming far with courses. If you're unable to learn from notes or even scratches, this will lead you nowhere as far as it concerns mathematics. Of course, if you're studying medicine or some other memorize-the-whole-bullshit major, you don't need to bother in the first place.
An actual mathematician however is supposed to establish a relationship with mathematics, that goes beyond the simple understanding part. He must acknowledge it as some form of art, even a form of magic, that will only start making sense for him after arduously studying it for some years. It is exactly this understanding of mathematics, the realization that despite ultimately being divorced from any natural or physical consideration, it is closely intertwined with the fabrics of the world, that should inspire you.
