failed my parents
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>be science kid
>read about general relativity at age 8
>build atom nucleus models out of marbles
>ultimately inconsequential
>grow up interested in science
>end up in science focused school
>several times a year go to special lecture programs at colleges about advanced math
>read math books all the time, number theory my favorite
>start thinking about college
>self-sabotage my life over stupid shit
>drop out of high school
>parents disappointed
>mother still sends me emails of science articles
>got me into an expensive seminar about infographic design last year
>I was probably the only non-college student there and was a NEET at that point
>it cost probably 250 dollars for her to do this
>I enjoyed it but felt liek a huge burden
>she also bought me a graphing calculator for my last birthday, a really nice one
>i haven't used it
>feel nothing but guilt while at my wagefuck factory job
>want to apologize to them for being a failure and want to hug them and cry and say i am sorry
>feeling goes away by the time I go home
How do I deal with this? They gave me so many things and I ended up a failure of a wagecuck. I did calc and stats in community college and aced them but I left because I had no path to a degree and knew I would fail. Now I want to find a career path involving infographics but I'm not a graphic designer nor am I ever going to have any future in STEM most likely. I hate myself for failing my parents. I barely have the motivation and energy to work on my hobbies anymore or do things I enjoy, let alone study on my own. I did read Measurement by Paul Lockhart, another book my mom bought me for Christmas this year. I guess I could study things on my own but I don't know if there is even any point.
blogpost over
Was anyone else here "destined" for STEM but failed their expectations? I'm not Indian or Chinese, my parents didn't force anything, I just feel bad they give me so much, like they still believe in me.
>read about general relativity at age 8
>build atom nucleus models out of marbles
>ultimately inconsequential
>grow up interested in science
>end up in science focused school
>several times a year go to special lecture programs at colleges about advanced math
>read math books all the time, number theory my favorite
>start thinking about college
>self-sabotage my life over stupid shit
>drop out of high school
>parents disappointed
>mother still sends me emails of science articles
>got me into an expensive seminar about infographic design last year
>I was probably the only non-college student there and was a NEET at that point
>it cost probably 250 dollars for her to do this
>I enjoyed it but felt liek a huge burden
>she also bought me a graphing calculator for my last birthday, a really nice one
>i haven't used it
>feel nothing but guilt while at my wagefuck factory job
>want to apologize to them for being a failure and want to hug them and cry and say i am sorry
>feeling goes away by the time I go home
How do I deal with this? They gave me so many things and I ended up a failure of a wagecuck. I did calc and stats in community college and aced them but I left because I had no path to a degree and knew I would fail. Now I want to find a career path involving infographics but I'm not a graphic designer nor am I ever going to have any future in STEM most likely. I hate myself for failing my parents. I barely have the motivation and energy to work on my hobbies anymore or do things I enjoy, let alone study on my own. I did read Measurement by Paul Lockhart, another book my mom bought me for Christmas this year. I guess I could study things on my own but I don't know if there is even any point.
blogpost over
Was anyone else here "destined" for STEM but failed their expectations? I'm not Indian or Chinese, my parents didn't force anything, I just feel bad they give me so much, like they still believe in me.
