>>11468249Son, let me tell ya about farting. A couple of years back I came down with a bad stomach complaint. Spent a week in hospital. When I came out I had to change my diet. No biggy. But what happened next took me by surprise. I became a human fart bag. Yes. Basically my existence was one a life support system for farting. At first it was sort of funny, I was cranking out farts by the dozens. Wake, fart several times before I get up. Dress. fart a couple while I am putting my pants on, walk into the kitchen. Fart. Sit down for breakfast. Fart. Like that, all day. ALL THE GODDAMNED TIME! All day, non fucking stop. Every few minutes, every hour of every day. Non stop. Sometimes single farts, but also rapid fire burst of several farts. Sometimes big whompers, sometimes long drawn out squealers, often just lots of little poots. Even just walking along, every few strides. "Toot!"....Squark!....Phoooff! Jesus. How, I asked myself, was it fucking possible for a man to fart so much? Like it was amusing initially, I thought of farts as funny. certainly I amused myself farting around my gf who was predictably disgusted. Pull her toe. Fart! hee hee hee! Strike a heroic pose, fart, turn and strike in a different pose, fart, lift a leg into the air like a faggy ballet dancer and freeze, fart! Eventually she got so pissed off with my antics I had to stop, but the farts wouldn't. After a week of this I was getting pissed off too. There's too much of a good thing ya know/? This was just getting annoying. Fortunately I spent most of my time working around noisy environments, so that wasn't really a problem, but I started to avoid any social setting where it was quiet enough to hear my farts. BECAUSE THEY JUST WOULDN'T FUCKING STOP! Jesus. I couldn't control them, it was just too exhausting to try holding them in. Sometimes I would shit myself in my sleep a little too. Its hell regularly waking up in the morning with a shitty ass.
So tell me about farts.
