>>11445790Quite honestly I lack the fine motor coordination and intuitive awareness to play an instrument. Childhood conditioning also plays a role probably, as accessing the so called procedural memory is in general blocked due to hypervigilance and sheer distrust. This stems from parentification dynamic, attachment trauma, and notion of "core defect". So in all things you risk revealing the truth, that you are simply defective and a bad person for existing, and visibility increases this risk. So goes the thinking. Why would I want to be exposed? They'll just harm you later.
I also assume I probably have some level of brain damage, or peripheral nerve damage, which prevents me from learning and executing that form of language.
