Where do I go from here?
I graduated with a BSc in mathematics a few years ago. I was bright enough to get research and TA experience before graduating and was a prime candidate for graduate school. Unfortunately, I'm too poor to afford school and living on my own in this city after my dad kicked me out of his house when I graduated.
I study on my own a lot, reading textbooks and doing problems, learning python and also doing analytics projects. Currently, I'm study neural networks and even got some cool stuff on my github, practicing building my own models on the open datasets. Working through textbooks alone only satisfies one to a certain point. I'm not experienced enough to actually produce interesting research on my own without guidance.
I'm too much of a sperg and made a complete fool of myself at the few interviews I landed. Too much anxiety and eccentric behaviour during the interview and then my mind went completely blank on the technical exercises they gave me as they would usually stay in the room. I do a crappy service technician job for now as it doesn't require much interacting with people. Classifying me as an underachiever is a massive understatement.
The last few years have been rough since leaving school, and I'm getting to the end of my rope I'm afraid. I no longer enjoy living and feel like my life is going nowhere. I've been thinking of committing suicide lately as nothing I am doing is interesting to me, then I see my old university friends finishing up their PhDs and landing their dream jobs while I do manual labour.
What the hell do I do?!
I graduated with a BSc in mathematics a few years ago. I was bright enough to get research and TA experience before graduating and was a prime candidate for graduate school. Unfortunately, I'm too poor to afford school and living on my own in this city after my dad kicked me out of his house when I graduated.
I study on my own a lot, reading textbooks and doing problems, learning python and also doing analytics projects. Currently, I'm study neural networks and even got some cool stuff on my github, practicing building my own models on the open datasets. Working through textbooks alone only satisfies one to a certain point. I'm not experienced enough to actually produce interesting research on my own without guidance.
I'm too much of a sperg and made a complete fool of myself at the few interviews I landed. Too much anxiety and eccentric behaviour during the interview and then my mind went completely blank on the technical exercises they gave me as they would usually stay in the room. I do a crappy service technician job for now as it doesn't require much interacting with people. Classifying me as an underachiever is a massive understatement.
The last few years have been rough since leaving school, and I'm getting to the end of my rope I'm afraid. I no longer enjoy living and feel like my life is going nowhere. I've been thinking of committing suicide lately as nothing I am doing is interesting to me, then I see my old university friends finishing up their PhDs and landing their dream jobs while I do manual labour.
What the hell do I do?!
