Most of my life I was told I was "smart". It rarely crossed my mind as I always desired ordinary things like friendship and companionship, which are hard as shit to do when all you do is focus on differences and how better someone is at whatever metric.
I was encouraged to go into mathematics and physics and did. It was OK. I was good, and I liked being good at something, but I didn't care for it. I always sort of desired physical application and/or connection with other people. It was around this time that people got REALLY fucking insecure about their "intelligence" regarding me. Suddenly my life's work and interests were all now evidence for me thinking that I'm better than everyone, which I never truly thought. Hell, even if I entertained the thought, it's because THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE ALWAYS TOLD ME. Some people would even get upset with me if I didn't think I was smart. It's the craziest catch-22. People hate you for being smart or people hate you for not thinking you're smart. It's a hard take away in life: no matter what you do, someone's going to shift the perspective towards some negative thing and try to tear you down. It's how it is, after all. Everything is both good and bad, and anyone can change the perspective to focus on either. It takes maturity to incorporate both into a world view, but considering most people are egotistical monsters who live in a "me or you" mindset, they can't get out of "better or worse" or "good or evil".
Anyway, I actually work on a farm now (seventh year, soon) and feel a lot more satisfied with my work. You know what I honestly am coming to realize? I am smarter than most people. I'm so glad I get to work outside. I'm so glad my job doesn't involve tons of egotistical, masturbatory circle jerks. I'm so glad I work in a team where we are forced to cooperate or else go out of business. I'm so glad I have literal fruits of my labor.
Thanks for reading my blog.
