>got back home from work after an ok day; I think I see myself becoming better at work
>go through part of a maths (for scientists) textbook mini chapter, to feel like less of a pleb
>went to gym for light cardio
>had a medium binge, wasted rest of evening
>woke up this morning
>browsed internet, drank coffee, read 23 pages of the pseudy old novel (only around 350 pages left)
>went to gym; could barely lift heavy at all because I messed with the programme; felt sad
>did an hour of cardio; felt bad because I had to balance not tiring myself out for tomorrow's heavy lifting with exercising in advance to make up for the Saturday night McDonald's binge
>stretching / exercising qt-gym-thots were continually in my line of sight on the cardio machine and it was SO depressilising; there were 4 in a row who succeeded each other in the same spot and, not even making this up, each qt-gym-thot one upped the last in terms of body; the final one was more thigh / ass than upper body
>went in to central London for my usual walk and listening to this week's CumTown, which had it's great moments
>went to library for a few minutes; walked out; realised immediately I had nothing to do so I went back and read the first 25 pages of a famous British novel that makes me sad I never went to Oxford
>when I went in the library it was daytime and I was sweating because I wore an extra layer; when I left the day was over and the layer was justified
>now drinking coffee; will likely have my usual McDonald's binge
I haven't even seen the Joker movie yet. I didn't bother seeing the Irishman.
For 4 out of the past 5 days I've learnt stuff through my own initiative, which felt good. At least that's hope. And it required less and less effort to start each day.
Today I mainly felt sad after seeing lots of couples, while finding the idea of my repulsive, ugly, meek, charismaless self trying to charm anyone a brutal farce. I also saw some posh blonde Stacey who were particularly demoralising.
>go through part of a maths (for scientists) textbook mini chapter, to feel like less of a pleb
>went to gym for light cardio
>had a medium binge, wasted rest of evening
>woke up this morning
>browsed internet, drank coffee, read 23 pages of the pseudy old novel (only around 350 pages left)
>went to gym; could barely lift heavy at all because I messed with the programme; felt sad
>did an hour of cardio; felt bad because I had to balance not tiring myself out for tomorrow's heavy lifting with exercising in advance to make up for the Saturday night McDonald's binge
>stretching / exercising qt-gym-thots were continually in my line of sight on the cardio machine and it was SO depressilising; there were 4 in a row who succeeded each other in the same spot and, not even making this up, each qt-gym-thot one upped the last in terms of body; the final one was more thigh / ass than upper body
>went in to central London for my usual walk and listening to this week's CumTown, which had it's great moments
>went to library for a few minutes; walked out; realised immediately I had nothing to do so I went back and read the first 25 pages of a famous British novel that makes me sad I never went to Oxford
>when I went in the library it was daytime and I was sweating because I wore an extra layer; when I left the day was over and the layer was justified
>now drinking coffee; will likely have my usual McDonald's binge
I haven't even seen the Joker movie yet. I didn't bother seeing the Irishman.
For 4 out of the past 5 days I've learnt stuff through my own initiative, which felt good. At least that's hope. And it required less and less effort to start each day.
Today I mainly felt sad after seeing lots of couples, while finding the idea of my repulsive, ugly, meek, charismaless self trying to charm anyone a brutal farce. I also saw some posh blonde Stacey who were particularly demoralising.
