>>11193561Yeah I'm doing pretty good in terms of change, I don't really care about what's visible to others. If I view life through a different lens that's better than knowing 20 theorems. To speak in facts I spend no time at all on video games or phone games, not more than 10 minutes per day on social media. The last two days I didn't consume any entertainment at all or jack off or watch porn, just had a blunder today. Right now I'm reading the lecture notes on my numerical analysis course over and over and trying to find the motivation to program actively rather than reading about it. Tried to figure out a formula by myself but ended up googling it for triangular numbers. Get more cardio but now that it's winter just squats and pushups inside. I used to consume motivational time management and development stuff on youtube but I've had enough, it was a coping method to avoid not doing important stuff actively but it also made me think wider. A lot of the first year failure was social, in fact I burned out just due to social aspects. I was really autistic sort of about peoples opinions and groupthink and ideological pressure, but I can't say I was wrong about anything to this day, just should've not cared. The other day I talked to a lot of people at student union bars and stacies were interested in me but got away. I also don't run and hide from my emotion, rather confront it, feel it, try to uproot the underlying principles for why I feel as I feel and the steps to transcend the problem. I have more intellectual patience and can read for many hours straight, just usually avoid starting, and usually avoid actively problem solving which is most beneficial. Have studied for a lot of time last month, primarily one variable. Don't overthink things, can fall asleep more easily now. More structured sleep, usually wake up in the morning, rather than in the evening.
