I'm not good at articulating my thoughts. Ok here we go.. 1.) I am agnostic and often find myself uncomfortable with the fact that I do not know what happens after we die, where we come from, why the universe exists, why I'm human, etc.
2.) I'm in a constant state of ego death and dissociation. I don't feel like a single person. I feel as though every time I have a thought, it isn't mine..it's just kind of there. I don't know who I am. Or what I am. I no longer care for myself...I don't take care OF myself because I do not know who I am. I do not feel a sense of "self" anymore. I am depersonalized and don't not know anything about myself. I don't feel connected to myself. Does this make sense?
3.) I fear having to exist for eternity. The thought of an afterlife is dreadful and it bothers me that even if we cease to exist after death, my physical body will still exist..my physical energy will still exist.
4.) Because of my dissociation from myself, I find it difficult to speak to anyone and participate in normal activities.
5.) I think about death constantly. I am suicidal but only because I hate my existence. Not in a superficial sense...I just hate existence period, mine especially. Since I can't be "me"...since I don't really have a sense of "self"..it's hard to explain. I don't know.
All of this makes me feel nauseated and ill. I know I'm not special for having these thoughts. We are all human and all go through this together. But I think we're all insignificant in a way. Like if existence itself didn't exist...and we never existed...or if all of this just poofs out of existence...it wouldn't matter.
I can't be alone without having panic attacks. I can't be alone with myself or else I go crazy.
I have a poor perception of time. I often get confused about what time it is or what day it is and find myself repeating things or doing my rituals I would do at night during the day. Nothing registers in my head anymore. Not my sense of self, not time...nothing.
2.) I'm in a constant state of ego death and dissociation. I don't feel like a single person. I feel as though every time I have a thought, it isn't mine..it's just kind of there. I don't know who I am. Or what I am. I no longer care for myself...I don't take care OF myself because I do not know who I am. I do not feel a sense of "self" anymore. I am depersonalized and don't not know anything about myself. I don't feel connected to myself. Does this make sense?
3.) I fear having to exist for eternity. The thought of an afterlife is dreadful and it bothers me that even if we cease to exist after death, my physical body will still exist..my physical energy will still exist.
4.) Because of my dissociation from myself, I find it difficult to speak to anyone and participate in normal activities.
5.) I think about death constantly. I am suicidal but only because I hate my existence. Not in a superficial sense...I just hate existence period, mine especially. Since I can't be "me"...since I don't really have a sense of "self"..it's hard to explain. I don't know.
All of this makes me feel nauseated and ill. I know I'm not special for having these thoughts. We are all human and all go through this together. But I think we're all insignificant in a way. Like if existence itself didn't exist...and we never existed...or if all of this just poofs out of existence...it wouldn't matter.
I can't be alone without having panic attacks. I can't be alone with myself or else I go crazy.
I have a poor perception of time. I often get confused about what time it is or what day it is and find myself repeating things or doing my rituals I would do at night during the day. Nothing registers in my head anymore. Not my sense of self, not time...nothing.
