Is there a scientific explanation for this? Or am I the only one with this kind of "psychological condition"?

I often find myself liking to watch/read/follow people with various severe and fatal diseases, amputations etc.
I really sympathize with them. There is always a part to it like "god, I'd rather kill myself" though.
It seems I simply like to get to know the dark side of life. Thb I don't like life.
Anyways, are there anyone like me?