>>11048399First, I’m gonna ask you read “Staring at the Sun” by Irvin D. Yalom. It helped me a lot during my existential phase, especially when I found myself crippled with anxiety about the afterlife.
I was in a similar situation to what you are in now about several years ago, except much younger. I think I was seventeen when I started panicking about the fact there was no afterlife - at least not proven scientifically. I looked up near-death experiences, OBEs, neuroscience/consciousness research, philosophers on consciousness and death, etc all in one night and continued to do so for about 3 years with much anguish. I talked to my parents, friends, and just about anyone to ask what they believed in hoping I could find some comfort or possibly latch onto their beliefs.
I tell you all of this because what I want to impart is a message of wasted time. You may be able to do your school work now, but how have other aspects suffered? Have you been neglecting family or friends to ruminate about the unknown? Have you not been taking care of yourself as well as you could? Do you think you could realistically find an answer you agreed with if you continued on like this? These days, I regret worrying as much as I did on something I couldn’t answer properly. I wanted to be an atheist who was fine with eternal oblivion, but it felt wrong. I didn’t want my life and experiences to vanish; to be some blip in time and to never endure life again. I got over my existential phase by realizing there was so much more for me to do and learn. I let life keep going and I gradually began to forget my fear. I’m not sure what I identify with now, but I enjoy reading about consciousness and neuroscience without the feverish anxiety of before.
I hope this long reply resonates with you in some way, if not, in the very least I think the book I recommended will help. I hope you feel better soon.
