>>11021792(same OP here, I am still thinking about this)
There is a thrill to high intelligence that I love that really keeps me striving for more and deeper understanding. When I see how ideas connect in ways that I know very few have seen, I get a rush like I have climbed a difficult mountain or explored an unseen horizon.
A sadness is that I do not have the time to devote to everything I know I could figure out, so I have to choose what is worth my time. I chose the problem of the mind, brain, and consciousness. Sometimes I wish I had chosen physics and cosmology, as I have been able to learn a lot of it on my own and wonder what I could have accomplished if I had gone for that.
I also wish I could be a musician. I barely had to learn music theory, it simply clicked when I saw it, some of it clicking without even having to be taught/learned. I am half shitty at the keyboard and wish I could have the time to practice up to a masterful level, so I could play the complex rhythms and harmonies that exist in my head.
I have a similar desire to write novels, where the language and story wants to flow effortlessly out of me. Most contemporary movies and shows and books I absolutely hate because they are so fucking retarded.
Sometimes the weight of it all comes crashing down on me, and I just sit alone in depression at all the things I will never be able to do. Life is fleeting and tragic, but that is also its beauty. Embrace what you can, accept what you cannot.
